Well it's certainly been a while. Sad how things really don't change. I may be at university now, just finished my first year to be more precise, living in England and 2 years down the line from my last blog posts yet I still feel exactly the same. Alone, friendless, lost.
It's hard to admit that, I think I've been in denial for quite a long time now. For most people university is the best time of their life, a fresh start, something they'll cherish for the rest of their lives and look back on with find memories. For me it's been disappointing. Granted I've met some nice people, but I doubt I'm going to be seeing any of them this summer. They've all got their own friends, better friends. Why would anyone want to hang out with sad little old me who's too chubby and doesn't particularly like to drink.
Even my own family think I'm lame. I'm the 20 year old whose going to be hanging out with her mum for the whole summer instead of swanning off to Ibiza with my friends and getting wasted. I'd rather be watching tv or doing a fucking jigsaw. That's not normal.
I'm going to Melbourne in September to go and see those two friends I've mentioned before but reading back they haven't changed either. For one I'm just an agony aunt the other , to be honest I don't even know anymore. He was my best friend but I've been replaced by his boyfriend. Now I don't even know what I am. I was so excited when I booked my ticket, now when I think about it I'm nervous. That's not right either.
Everyone around me seems to be in a relationship except for my mum who still hasn't got over my dad. It's just hard. I feel like I'm going nowhere. In uni I'm still the chubby nerdy girl who sucks up it teachers. The only vague romantic activity that's happened in 2 years was a kiss from a guy out of his mind in a nightclub. Yay.
Reading back on blogposts it scares me how is really have gone nowhere. Is this how I'm destined to be. Well fuck.
