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I know I shouldn't have done it. I know it would only cause hurt and it did. I know his facebook password and I've checked his messages.

I don't know what to think. He still loved her. He still loved her in June, what am I meant to think. June....we'd been going out for 4 months. I don't know what to do. Right now I'm in shock. how do I know he doesn't still love her. He did seem to think the sun shines out her arse, told me about how they'd had sex for like two weeks. Is that why he's with me, for the sex? But then why would he still be with me as we don't see each other for months at a time. Unless he's cheating... he could be. How on earth would I know.

I'm so fucking upset right now, I miss him but I'm confused. I think the next couple of months could be very interesting. I just have this horrible sinking feeling that it's going to be me heartbroken in a couple of months and he's going to go on having a ball in Nancy. Can this relationship really work or is it just heading for disaster?

That awkward moment when....

That awkward moment when your boyfriend would rather spend time with your sister than with you. Welcome to the current story of my life. How am I meant to feel? How am I meant to be having a good time when he's currently on the other sofa sat next to her when I'm sat here all on my own. I mean aren't there boundries, is it not supposed to be not ok when he's laid liberally across her lap. I feel used, I feel unloved and most of all these past few days I've just been so freaking miserable. Having him spend time with me over christmas was meant to be wonderful but instead I just feel like crying the whole time. I'm just so fucking fed up of both of them, she doesn't seem to give a crap about my feelings either, its just all about her all the time and I'm so fed up of it. If she's not pregnant then she's depressed and if she's not depressed she's still the favourite with dad. I just don't know what to do anymore, I feel so lost and so alone. I just want to spend some time with someone who wants to spend time with me, someone who doesn't keep asking for someone else.

Yeah merry fucking christmas.