Defriended

I'm sat here on a Sunday night listening to my sister video chat with someone in her room. It's quite sad realizing that I have no one to do that with anymore. I always used to be talking to someone and now the only time anyone wants to talk to me is to ask something or seek advice. No one ever seems to want to talk to me just because they miss me, or because they wonder how I am. Even my online friends seem to have slowly shriveled up and died.

I have a feeling this may be something to do with why I'm so depressed, I operate as a people person, I need to talk to people on a regular basis in order to function properly and since summer I've had little to no communication with the people I care about. The only person I've talked to on Skype in the past couple of months is my ex bf. This is what my life has now become.

My other ex emailed me on Wednesday which was so lovely and I replied but haven't heard anything yet, 5 days, he clearly doesn't want to know anymore. I just see all these people, moving on with their lives, forgetting me and don't know how to cope. I can't be forgotten, I need to be wanted, I need to be loved and at the moment I don't feel any of this.

Maybe I should start making new friends, talking to new people but then that just seems so much effort. Clearly I'm just too lazy to take control of my life. I can't get a grip anymore. I'm on a self destructive path to nowhere all on my own.