Disappointment.

Auditions for the school musical were today. I auditioned with my sister which was probably a mistake. I went first and clearly was pretty rubbish as they made me sing it 3 times. I know I was probably pitchy and I'm going to use the excuse that it's a hard song to sing and I didn't properly learn it but at the end of the day, that is my fault.

To top it all off, my sister sang once and it was perfect.

I feel like I've let myself down, I'm so disappointed in myself and slightly jealous of my sister. I wish I was really good at something but I'm slowly coming to the realisation that I'm not. I'm not amazingly intelligent, I'm not amazing at sport and clearly I'm not that good at music either. I'm fed up of being mediocre at everything. Being really good at one thing would make life so much easier. It would help me decide what I want to do. It would give me a focus.

I don't know, this audition malarkey has really got me feeling sorry for myself. I feel like I'm a loser, I feel like I'm not good enough for anything or anyone.

I just really need someone to talk to but once again there's no one. Everything always seems to boil down to how alone in this world I really am.