Wanted: 1 friend

Well it's finally happened, I officially feel like I have no one I can talk to.

The two people I thought I could always rely on, two people I've spent three days making presents for seem to not care for my existance.

Now I've talked about these two before, the one who lives in America, and the one who goes to a different school in Japan now. I thought we were really close, I mean one of them is meant to be my best friend for gods sake. The fact that he doesn't reply when I send him stuff, or takes forever to do so makes me feel not important. Infact we never seem to talk anymore and if we do it's because I take the effort to do so. He's always busy with his new friends. I just wish I still meant as much as I used to. It's hard watching people move on from you, watching people make new friends and having fun without you. I know this is incredibly selfish of me and I shouldn't deny people the opportunity to enjoy themselves. I know. I just can't help feeling jealous, here they both are having a good time while I'm stuck here feeling sorry for myself.

I just wish someone would want to talk to me, include me in their life. I just seem to be someone they go to when they need to moan about stuff and while I'm all up for being there for them when they need me. I just wish I wasn't just there for that, I wish I was someone they just enjoyed talking to, someone they wanted to talk to.

Even one of they guys I'm friends with from online seems to have lost interest and there was me thinking we were pretty close but like I said, he's got his own life, his friends. Why would he want me.

I think deep down inside I just have this yearning to be loved, I just want to be appreciated for who I am, I want someone who wants to be with me and at the moment I'm just struggling to come to terms with how lonely I am. The only person I've seen this whole summer from Japan is my friend who came to England with me. She's the only person I've seen since I've been back in Japan and I'm slowly coming to the realisation that the pool of friends I thought I had is slowly dwindling. This is a hard realisation to come to terms with.